i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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