who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
