I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
send nudes
from the living room?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
