After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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