So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
