he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
being pregnant is like rehab
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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