Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
