I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
