he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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