Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Alive.
So much puke
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
