my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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