Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
