you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
