She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
