he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
