They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
