remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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