The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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