happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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