Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
