tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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