we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...