He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though