I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time