I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
