i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world