i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference