All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
