So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Randomize
