The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
