Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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