yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
