talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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