if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
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I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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