somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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