I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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