I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
