well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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