Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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