it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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