So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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