the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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