I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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