I don't think brook has ever known best
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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