I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
