The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
