i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
