just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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