The maid of honor just puked.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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