They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
