My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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