My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
