friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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