i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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