Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
