I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
someone owes me an orgasm
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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