he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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