Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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