If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
