Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
