I cannot find my penis.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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