I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
