Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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