i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
