Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
