Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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