Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize