apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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