I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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