I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
