I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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