I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
