You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there was a trapeze. enough said
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
