All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
