Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
